Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What did he do?

It was a Saturday!

I know this because the day before was a Friday and my wife went out of town to see her sister for the weekend.

I had the whole day planned, I was going to do a few things around the house in the morning and then I was going to watch my favorite movies. And nothing else.

I finished the chores that I had to do and took a shower.

Went into the kitchen, made a plate of nachos with plenty of hot peppers covering the melted cheese. Went to the DVD player, put in Jaws and sat down to watch.

The knock at the door came just as I got comfortable.

I opened the door and there were a couple of well dressed (one plump and one skinny) women standing outside.

"We are here to talk about God" the plump women said. She was wearing and orange dress and looked like a pumpkin with kankles.


"Why, what did he do?" I replied. "Were the police involved? Whatever it was I will gladly pay for the damages"

The women looked at each other as if not sure how to handle the answer.

"He has done nothing" skinny gal said. She looked like Icabod Crane.

Icabod Crane and a pumpkin. Great. Halloween has come knocking!

"Are you sure?. He is in his room, I can go get him if you would like and we can take it up with him".

Once again, there was no immediate response.

"So you are saying you have allowed God into your house" the pumpkin asked.

"As long as he pays rent he can stay"

"Is your wife at home?" asked skinny.

For some reason the wanted to talk to my wife instead of me? Tell me it ain't so.

"No, but I can give you her cell number if you would like."

She would kill me!

I was missing my movie and could here the shark crunching away on some unsuspecting swimmer. My nachos, my poor, poor nachos, waiting helplessly on the TV tray for me.

The pumpkin was at a loss for words. Not surprising, after all she did have a head full of pumpkin seeds.

I looked over my shoulder into the living room and saw my dog approaching my plate of nachos.

My poor, poor nachos, they are getting cold!

"Well it seems as of you have no interest in talking to us at this time" Skinny said. " Would you at least take a few moments and look at our church magazine?"

"Perhaps the info inside the magazine could be useful" added the pumpkin.

I took the magazine, shut the door and went back into the living room in time to see my dog take a nacho from my plate. I rolled up the magazine and whacked the dog on the nose.

Yes ladies, there certainly is some useful info in that magazine!


  1. That was classic! Thank you. I have such a picture in my head now, I won't be able to stop giggling all night.

    BTW, what magazine was it? Just in case I need to keep my dog away from my dinner .....

  2. Poor dog! Didn't you mention hot peppers on your nachos? Bet the dog won't do that again.

    "Why, what did he do?"

    I will have to remember that the next time the JW's or the missionaries come pounding on the door. Good one!

  3. I like to let my dog answer the door when the freaks come a calling. I follow him over after a few minutes and then let them try and talk while my dog pretends he wants to eat them (very loudly) they don't stay long and don't return.

    I like your plan, though, too... except for sharing the nachos with the dog.